Can't get my own ringtones into Tones folder or onto iPhone

HELP!!

I have sounds I want to use as ring tones.

Followed all the various instructions about changing the file extension to .m4r, but they still won't show up in the phone.

When I drag them to the Tones folder in iTunes, they don't appear.

If I drag them to the Tones folder in iPhone, they appear, but are "grayed out", and can't be checked or selected.  When I sync, they don't appear in the list of Tones on the phone.

Mac OS10.6.8

iTunes 11.0.1

iPhone 4S with iOS 6.0.1

Any ideas or suggestions appreciated